Relationships: perks and how it works
Even if you confess your ‘eternal’ love for someone and they
accept it, the hardest part of loving someone is knowing
HOW to do that, in a way that you love them just right and
don’t leave yourself behind in the process. Who is a good
lover?
— Oshin Ahlawat
Lately I've found myself in a lot of conversations about love, commitment and romantic relationships.
We're all around our twenties, some almost there, some far up ahead, and it's intersting how people I know have diverse opinions about relationships and sharing emotions.
It's natural that each person has their own idea or somewhat of a plan for a near or even a distant future, and wether it includes a significant other or not. And we shape our viewpoints and ideas based on our own experiences.
For the longest I believed that there is no such thing as a full, one hundred percent honest relationship. Or a calm one, for that matter- I truly believed that it's normal for people to argue and fight on a regular basis.
Most of these I saw in my friends or heard about. As we were teens there was always some drama around.
But it's been almost a year since G and I just clicked and I'm now fully convinced that a one-hundred percent honest relationship exists, and you really can have a best friend and a lover, all in one person. And the kind of relationship where you don't argue and can actually agree on things actually exists.
A relationship with no jelaousy or spite isn't just a concept.
What I wanted to write about for the longest was what I think are the basis for a relationship, and what is in my opinion a healthy relationship. I really don't want this to look like a' Cosmopolitan - 10 tips to make sure he's The One' kind of thing, just some things I've learned in the past year.
The first thing people often forget about is to question yourself if you are able to commit to someone. Are you able to be there for someone, no matter what? It's not as easy as it sounds. You have to give in order to receive, no relationship is one-sided. You compromise, you forgive, you take care of someone. If you're lucky enough that someone is willing to hand you their trust, you must know if you are capable of retaining that trust.
Secondly, there is no such thing as the 'first three months' period, where everything's great and then you start becoming yourself, and guys stop opening doors and girls start getting jelaous.
No. That's not real. Who you are on the first date is the same person you are on your 50th anniversary. I hate it when my girlfirends complain how guys started acting funny, and then said that it was expected, as you know, 'guys are always nicer at the beginning'. That's soooo wrong. If you or your significant other start showing other sides of yourselves after some time, that's simply lying and deceiving. That's something I maybe hate most, because it shows that there was no respect from the beginning.
And respect is maybe the most important thing there is in a relationship. It all starts with respect. You should respect and be respected enough so that you're not being lyed to (or be the one that's lying). That standds for jelaousy too. I love the proverb 'it takes two to tango' because it's so true for a lot of things. Jelaousy, for instance is something I believe very few people carry in themselves. I truly believe that almost no one is jelaous by nature, rather that it's something one person creates for the other. If a woman is jelaous, that means that her man is giving her reasons to be, and vice versa.
And if you don't believe someone enough that you have to check up on them, you should rethink your status. It's harsh, but someone you don't believe will stay faithfull on a nightout is not someone you should be on a long-term. Through time, that angst will slowly eat you out and make you miserable.
And when you've found that one person who you just click with and things are really good, there's still some work to do. Like any relationship, from business to friendship, even the romantic ones need constant work. It's just like that. You can never get lazy. Treat your other the same way you want to be treated. Like I said, no relationship is one-sided.
I just hate seeing people love eachother dearly and then it all falling apart because, after some time, it gets obvious that they just weren't right. It's heartbreaking when at first your insticts guide you through and it's so so beautiful, but as time goes, someone realizes that they're not ready or that it's just too much. And everyone should recognize that moment and know when it's time to leave. It's even worse to keep someone hurting, or even yourself. I always repeat the same line to all of my friends- if they love you they wouldn't want to hurt you. People are keen on hanging onto thing that we're once beautiful in hopes that it'll get better again, but everyone should be real to themselves. If deep down you know it's not going to be better, it's time to go.
Love yourself enough to know when it's time to let go, because hurting gets you nowhere.
I think the feeling of being madly in love never fades away. It's so beautiful. It makes you truly, hoenstly, want to make the other person happy. And when you do it's the best feeling in the world.
Staying true to yourself is so so important, but also not changing, being honest to yourself and respecting yourself and the significant other, too.
